Return-Path: Received: by massis.lcs.mit.edu (8.7.4/NSCS-1.0S) id AAA28844; Sun, 9 Mar 1997 00:26:34 -0500 (EST) Date: Sun, 9 Mar 1997 00:26:34 -0500 (EST) From: ptownson@massis.lcs.mit.edu (TELECOM Digest Editor) Message-Id: <199703090526.AAA28844@massis.lcs.mit.edu> To: ptownson@massis.lcs.mit.edu Subject: TELECOM Digest V17 #59 TELECOM Digest Sun, 9 Mar 97 00:26:00 EST Volume 17 : Issue 59 Inside This Issue: Editor: Patrick A. Townson 900 Prefixes From 1970s (Greg Monti) Dividing Manhattan's 212 Area Code (Greg Monti) Please Help - Fraud Victim (Sarah Liz) NYPSC Sets Hearing Date for 212/917 (John Cropper) Marketers With 800 Numbers Fear 888 Prefix Invasion (J. Oppenheimer) Book Review: "How to Access Federal Government on the Internet" (Rob Slade) 416 to be Overlaid in Early 2000 (John Cropper) America Online Offline (Jay R. Ashworth) TELECOM Digest is an electronic journal devoted mostly but not exclusively to telecommunications topics. It is circulated anywhere there is email, in addition to various telecom forums on a variety of public service systems and networks including Compuserve and America On Line. It is also gatewayed to Usenet where it appears as the moderated newsgroup 'comp.dcom.telecom'. Subscriptions are available to qualified organizations and individual readers. Write and tell us how you qualify: * ptownson@massis.lcs.mit.edu * The Digest is edited, published and compilation-copyrighted by Patrick Townson of Skokie, Illinois USA. You can reach us by postal mail, fax or phone at: Post Office Box 4621 Skokie, IL USA 60076 Phone: 847-329-0571 Fax: 847-329-0572 ** Article submission address: ptownson@massis.lcs.mit.edu Our archives are located at hyperarchive.lcs.mit.edu. The URL is: http://hyperarchive.lcs.mit.edu/telecom-archives They can also be accessed using anonymous ftp: ftp hyperarchive.lcs.mit.edu/telecom-archives/archives (or use our mirror site: ftp ftp.epix.net/pub/telecom-archives) A third method is the Telecom Email Information Service: Send a note to tel-archives@massis.lcs.mit.edu to receive a help file for using this method or write me and ask for a copy of the help file for the Telecom Archives. ************************************************************************* * TELECOM Digest is partially funded by a grant from the * * International Telecommunication Union (ITU) in Geneva, Switzerland * * under the aegis of its Telecom Information Exchange Services (TIES) * * project. Views expressed herein should not be construed as represent-* * ing views of the ITU. * ************************************************************************* Finally, the Digest is funded by gifts from generous readers such as yourself who provide funding in amounts deemed appropriate. Your help is important and appreciated. A suggested donation of twenty dollars per year per reader is considered appropriate. See our address above. All opinions expressed herein are deemed to be those of the author. Any organizations listed are for identification purposes only and messages should not be considered any official expression by the organization. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Date: Sat, 08 Mar 1997 20:44:26 -0500 From: gmonti@mindspring.com (Greg Monti) Subject: 900 Prefixes From 1970s On 3/5, Mark J. Cuccia (mcuccia@mailhost.tcs.tulane.edu) wrote: > Here is a list of _OLD_ 900-NNX _geographic_ assignments, which came > from the "Distance Dialing Reference Guide", circa 1977/78. Please note > that the NPA codes indicated are what code was used for that location > _at_that_time! ... Curiously, some of these 900 prefixes are numerically identical to the "choke" radio and TV station call-in prefixes used locally within these metropolitan areas. The high-volume choke prefix is, of course, within the local area code and is not a 900 number. However, the two appear to be numerically identical in some cases. Dialing 900-333-1234 and 412-333-1234 would connect you to unrelated customers, but they would both be in Pittsburgh. A choke prefix is a special routing code that local telcos sometimes require broadcasters to use for call-in contest and request lines. The contestant at home (and 5,000 of his neighbors), call what appears to be a 7-digit local call. At each central office, a small random sample of the calls to that number are actually passed through trunk circuits to the CO serving the radio station. A handful of those ever get through and/or are answered. The majority of calls are "choked off" at the originating central office and are given an immediate busy signal without ever tying up a trunk to the radio station's CO. Examples: > 900-242 Washington DC (202) Here's one which does not match the choke prefix (which is 202-432-XXXX). > 900-333 Pittsburgh PA (412) Choke prefix was (and maybe still is) 412-333-XXXX. The station at 92.9 FM once had the contest line 412-333-9313. > 900-481 Baltimore MD (301) Choke prefix was at the time 301-481-XXXX (now 410-481-XXXX). > 900-520 Los Angeles CA (213) Choke prefix at the time was 213-520-XXXX. > 900-570 San Diego CA (714) Choke prefix at the time was 714-570-XXXX. > 900-591 Chicago IL (312) Choke prefix at the time was 312-591-XXXX. I think WLS-AM's contest line was 312-591-8900. > 900-931 Boston MA (617) Choke prefix was (and maybe still is) 617-931-XXXX. > 900-985 New York NY (212) > 900-999 New York NY (212) Choke prefixes were 212-985-XXXX and 212-955-XXXX. One matched. One not. Greg Monti Jersey City, New Jersey, USA gmonti@mindspring.com ------------------------------ Date: Sat, 08 Mar 1997 20:44:44 -0500 From: gmonti@mindspring.com (Greg Monti) Subject: Dividing Manhattan's 212 Area Code The recent discussion about splitting vs. overlaying Manhattan's area code 212 with the new code 646 got me to run a little research project to see how feasible splitting Manhattan would be. I ran a report from the shareware program "NPA" which lists the area codes and prefixes of the US and Canada. It lists each prefix with a latitude and longitude (earth coordinates, not V&H table coordinates; the NPA database has them down to 1/100 degree). This was using the 1995 edition of NPA, which is a little out of date, but we're doing a rough analysis here. I sorted the list by latitude and longitude. I assumed that any prefixes with the same numerical latitude and longitude were in the same central office. This is probably not completely accurate but that isn't necessary. (There two freak 212 prefixes which are not in Manhattan: 212-936 the recorded weather report, located in Downtown Brooklyn; and 212-817, which is used by Fordham University in the Bronx along with 718-817. These two are not counted in the CO and prefix counts below.) Using the above method, I counted 17 central offices in Manhattan, listed below from north to south. Central office names are my own devising, the official Nynex names are probably different: 200th Street-Inwood: 6 prefixes 170th Street-Washington Heights: 10 (includes WAS [927] prefix) 140th Street: 10 Morningside Heights: 19 Harlem: 15 (includes HAR [427] prefix) Lexington (upper east side): 27 (includes LE5 [535]) West 73rd Street (upper west side): 16 Plaza (northeast midtown): 63 (includes PLA [752]) West 50th Street (northwest midtown): 63 Midtown (central): 41 Murray Hill (southeast midtown): 135 (includes MUR [687]) Pennsylvania (southwest midtown): 32 (includes PEN [736]) Lower East Side-East Village: 27 (includes GRE [473]) Chelsea-West Village: 23 (includes CHE [243]) Wall Street (financial district central): 44 (includes WAL [925]) Financial District (west): 84 Financial District (east): 50 That's 661 prfixes in 1995; I am sure there are more now. Once I got over the concept of what a central office with 135 prefixes in it might look like, I tested for possible dividing lines. The NPA database does not include a description of the dividing lines between central offices so I guessed. - Split at 59th Street (the southern edge of Central Park): This would give us 101 prefixes north of the line and 560 prefixes to the south. Not workable. - Split at roughly 42nd Street, as suggested in a Nynex press release: I figured this would add three more central offices (West 50th, Midtown central and Plaza) to the north side of the line, and would result in 270 prefixes to the north, 391 to the south. Maybe workable. - Split at roughly 25th Street (Chelsea and Village south of line, midtown north of line): 433 north, 228 south. Lopsided. - Split at roughly Canal or Houston Street: 483 prefixes to the north, 178 to the south. Ditto. - Split at 5th Avenue, also suggested in a Nynex press release (assumes entire financial district out to the western shore would be defined as being east of the line, which it mostly is; upper east side and Harlem would be east of line): 445 east of line, 216 west. Lopsided. - Split at 5th Avenue and 59th Street, with financial district assumed to be east of line: 403 prefixes south and east, 258 north and west. Maybe workable. - Put the five midtown central offices, which contain 334 prefixes, in one area code, while the areas north and south of that, totaling 327 prefixes, would get a second code. Divides evenly, but makes one of the two codes non-contiguous. Someday, that Murray Hill central office will need an area code of its own. Anyone else with too much time on their hands: feel free to slice and dice. Greg Monti Jersey City, New Jersey, USA gmonti@mindspring.com ------------------------------ From: Sarah Liz Subject: Please Help - Fraud Victim Date: Sat, 08 Mar 1997 10:40:13 -0800 Organization: aracnet.com -- Portland's loudest electrons Reply-To: sarahliz@teleport.com Your newsgroup was suggested to me by a friend as a possible source of advice on my situation. Story: One day I came home from work to find a FedEx tag on my doorknob concerning a package I had not ordered. I called FedEx, learned it was from AT&T Wireless, refused it, thought no more of it. Shrug. Later that evening I received a call from AT&T Wireless asking why I'd refused their cellphones. The ensuing conversation revealed that someone using my name, home address, SSN, unlisted telephone number, and something very close to my birthdate had ordered a cellular account and two phones. The rep read to me the alternate address and phone number given; they were unfamiliar to me but I have since tracked them in a reverse-listing phone book as belonging to a (presumably) legit business in my city. AT&T had their salesperson call the individual at the alternate number where a person answered, said they were me, and insisted there must have been a mistake, they really wanted the phones. The salesperson requested a fax of a driver's license and Soc Sec card. Never heard from the person again. A week later I receive a call from a very nice Sprint PCS salesperson asking if he can help me further with my purchase of phones. Same routine, except UPS was going to be tried this time. The alternate phone number given this time was completely different (I do not have this one copied down). Assumption: They got my information by stealing mail. Assumption: They won't stop till they get what they want using my information. Assumption: They have done this before -- they have some idea of what questions to expect from companies. Assumption: They are STUPID. A smart crook would never have had me in the loop until the bill arrived. What I have done: Placed fraud alerts at the major credit reporting agencies. Filed a police report in my city after being routed through 3 police jurisdictions, each of whom claimed it was another jurisdiction's problem, and obtained a case number to give to other authorities. (Note that the police maintain a crime was not even committed since I refused the package. I guess mail stealing ain't a crime around here.) Moved my mail delivery to my post office box. Called VoiceStream and AirTouch to warn them about possible fraud attempts in my name. What I want: To stop this person from obtaining cellular merchandise and airtime OR ANYTHING ELSE in my name. To avoid being billed for their activities. To prevent this from happening again with another crook. To keep my credit rating good. And I do not want to suffer the considerable trouble of changing my phone number or #SSN or residence. I might do the first or even the second if I thought it was the only prudent course of action...but I want the *crook* to suffer. I want any inconvenience, liability and other troubles to be the crook's, not mine. I want to find out who this person is, if possible, and be able to prove it to the police and/or the fraud departments. I want this person to be sorry they ever came within ten feet of my mailbox. Do any of you have any advice on what steps I should take next? My friend says you guys are very knowledgeable and creative. Thank you very much. Sarah Liz cheshire@aracnet.com [TELECOM Digest Editor's Note: Pass alng your ideas to Sarah and see if you can find a way to help her stop the problem. PAT] ------------------------------ From: John Cropper Subject: NYPSC Sets Hearing Date For 212/917 Date: Fri, 07 Mar 1997 16:25:28 -0500 Organization: lincs.net Reply-To: jcropper@NOSPAM.lincs.net STATE OF NEW YORK PUBLIC SERVICE COMMISSION CASE 96-C-1158 -Proceeding on Motion of the Commission, Pursuant to Section 97(2) of the Public Service Law, to Evaluate the Options for Making Additional Central Office and/or Area Codes Available in the 212 and 917 Area Codes of New York City. NOTICE OF ADMINISTRATIVE CONFERENCE + ___________________________________ (Issued March 5, 1997) TAKE NOTICE that an administrative conference will be held before Administrative Law Judge Joel A. Linsider on Tuesday, March 25, 1997 beginning at 10:30 a.m. at the Commission's New York City offices, One Penn Plaza, 8th floor. The principal purposes of the conference are to identify the active parties and major issues in the proceeding and to consider the process and schedule best suited to bringing the proceeding to a timely conclusion. Among other things, parties should be prepared to identify specifically any issues of fact that might warrant evidentiary hearings, as distinct from legislative-type hearings on questions of policy. It is anticipated that the conference will consider only procedural matters, and parties need not and should not address themselves to the substantive issues except to the extent needed to identify them. It is also anticipated that this proceeding will encompass a comprehensive public outreach and education component, designed to inform the public about the issues under consideration and to solicit their views. The schedule for those events will shortly be announced, and this conference, therefore, should not be seen as an opportunity for general public comment on the matters at hand. To expedite the conference, parties are requested to submit, by March 17, 1997, written statements of their views on the procedural concerns noted above. Ten copies of such statements should be submitted to the undersigned at Three Empire State Plaza, Albany, New York 12223-1350. Submission of such a statement, however, is not a prerequisite to participation in the conference. JOHN C. CRARY Secretary ---------------------------- John Cropper, Webmaster voice: 888.NPA.NFO2 Legacy IS, Networking & Comm. Solutions 609.637.9434 P.O. Box 277 fax: 609.637.9430 Pennington, NJ 08534-0277 Unsolicited commercial e-mail is subject mailto:jcropper@lincs.net to a fee as outlined in the agreement at http://www.lincs.net/ http://www.lincs.net/spamoff.htm ------------------------------ From: Judith Oppenheimer Subject: Marketers With 800 Numbers Fear 888 Prefix Invasion Date: Fri, 07 Mar 1997 09:03:45 -0500 Organization: ICB Toll Free News Reply-To: j.oppenheimer@worldnet.att.net FYI. The Wall Street Journal -- March 7, 1997 Advertising Marketers With 800 Numbers Fear an 888 Prefix Invasion By SALLY GOLL BEATTY Staff Reporter of THE WALL STREET JOURNAL An easy-to-remember phone number made 1-800-FLOWERS a household name. But now the flower-delivery company has a big problem: What happens if somebody else gets hold of the new toll-free prefix created last year and opens up 1-888-FLOWERS? Toll-free numbers are blooming into a big battle for businesses and phone companies, and now advertisers are jumping into the fray. The Association of National Advertisers, a big trade group, is pushing the government to quash an idea to auction off "vanity numbers" in the new 888 exchange. The advertisers' fear: chaos when two different companies own the same number-one with an 800 prefix and the other with an 888 prefix. A letter from the trade group's executive vice president, Daniel Jaffe, to Senate Minority Leader Tom Daschle (D., S.D.) warns of "enormous potential for consumer confusion" and a black market for speculators who could snap up 888 numbers and then sell them to the owners of the 800 lookalike. "If we're not careful, we'll get telephone bandits. They'll take other people's telephone numbers and hold them up. It's a stickup," says Mr. Jaffe. The phone industry created the 888 prefix last year, with the pool of 7.71 million available 800 numbers quickly running out. In January the Clinton administration's new budget proposed raising $700 million by auctioning off 888 numbers -- an idea that had also cropped up last year but withered amid opposition by business groups. The Federal Communications Commission, which would administer the auction if it is approved by Congress, says such a sale is simply an equitable way to distribute something in short supply. "Auctions are a good way to assign scarce resources," an FCC staffer says. While the fight brews, advertisers are already worrying that confusion about the 888 numbers is making it hard to plan ad campaigns and marketing materials. More than 3.3 million numbers with the 888 code are already in use -- but AT&T said last year that only 19% of consumers it surveyed are aware of the new code. "The primary issue is confusion for our potential guests," says Bill Poe, vice president in charge of corporate systems for Choice Hotels International, which owns the Quality Inn, Comfort Inn and EconoLodge chains. "If they're trying to reach one of the affinity [800] numbers that we have been advertising, they might dial 888 and get some other company. That's going to be very confusing for guests, and potentially very irritating." The fight raises thorny issues of fairness. Taxpayers could certainly use the $700 million the auction could raise. But advertisers argue that the government would be taking away something they worked hard to build. "The only reason these numbers have value is because of the money and sweat businesses such as 1-800-FLOWERS made in their 1-800 numbers," says Chris McCann, a co-founder of 1-800-FLOWERS. "You can't just duplicate our franchise and give it to someone else." At AT&T, the director of government affairs, James Spurlock, also argues that the auction would be hard on small businesses. He worries about "small and midsize companies that have invested a lot of money into promoting toll-free numbers. If they had to compete with larger interests in an auction, they'd have no chance. They'd be out of the ballgame immediately." While the wrangling over the auction continues, the FCC has agreed not to allocate nearly 400,000 888 numbers that look like 800 vanity numbers. But don't expect the world of toll-free numbers to get less confusing anytime soon. The phone industry expects the pool of available 888 numbers to dry up over the next year. It is already planning a third toll-free code, 877, which would be introduced in April 1998. ICB TOLL FREE NEWS - 800/888/global800 news, analysis, advice. Judith Oppenheimer, Publisher - http://www.thedigest.com/icb/ mailto:j.oppenheimer@worldnet.att.net, mailto:icb@juno.com 1 800 THE EXPERT, ph 212 684-7210, fx 212 684-2714 [TELECOM Digest Editor's Note: If each time a new toll-free code is installed (as with 888 at present) these folks who are so afraid that their work of how many ever years is going to be lost that they need to have major parts of the new code blocked out in order to prevent the possibility of phone-number bandits obtaining the number then it should be easy to see we will never get done with opening new toll free codes. A million numbers here and a few hundred thousand numbers there, made unavailable because the executives of a motel chain do not want their customers to be confused or disgruntled. Whatever happened to the concept that some people are just plain dumb; some will *never* understand how to dial the phone correctly, and there is little that can be done for them. At some point one has to draw the line and say nothing more can be done for the dumbos of the world. Now many months into area 847 there are still a large number of people who do not understand to dial a '1' at the start of a north suburban Chicago number, driving the subscribers of the VIRginia-7 exchange batty. The {Chicago Tribune's} Mike Royko has a seven-digit number beginning 312-222 which is the same as a 1-800 number used by thousands of callers daily to AT&T. He complains that people in the Chicago area are always dialing his number because they are too ignor- ant to know they have to dial 1-800 first. His solution? He wants AT&T to change their number. Numerous subscribers to 312-773 numbers and 773-847 numbers feel Ameritech should pick some other area codes so they won't be hassled so much by people trying to reach area 773 and 847. I think at some point the 'FLOWERS' people and the motel reservations people and whatnot are going to have to bite the bullet on this and tell their customers 'dial the entire number we have given you and do so accurately; you will then reach us. Dial it in some different way or without the leading '1' or the '800' and you will get a wrong number or no number at all ... sorry, there is nothing more we can do for you.' At some point Judith, you have to quit worrying about covering every single base for every single dumbo in the world. Now obviously if a person or company obtains a very similar number with the specific intent to defraud another company or cause confusion among customers, that can be dealt with as an issue of its own. I could see that happening. But for the general public and the general use of 888 numbers, I think you have to tell the public to learn how to dial correctly or else stay off the phone and quite bothering all the other folks with their incessant wrong numbers, etc. At the place I work, I quite often need to refer phone calls to a number 773-693-xxxx and at least one a day calls me back a few seconds later to tell me I gave them a wrong number. Lately I refuse to get into telling them they have to dial '1' first. I just tell them it is the correct number; to keep trying it and dial their operator if they don't know how to place calls to different area codes. PAT] ------------------------------ Date: Thu, 06 Mar 1997 13:57:22 EST From: Rob Slade Subject: Book Review: "How to Access Federal Government on the Internet" BKHAFGOI.RVW 961110 "How to Access the Federal Government on the Internet", Bruce Maxwell, 1996, 1-56802-185-2, U$28.95 %A Bruce Maxwell bmaxwell@netcom.com %C 1414 22nd Street N.W., Wasington, DC 20037 %D 1996 %G 1-56802-185-2 %I Congressional Quarterly Inc. %O U$28.95 +1-800-638-1710 +1-202-822-1475 fax +1-202-887-6706 %O 202-822-1423 fax 202-822-6583 jdavey@cqalert.com %P 455 %S Washington Online %T "How to Access the Federal Government on the Internet, 2nd ed." For those interested in (the U.S.) government, and access to its information, Maxwell has provided a very useful compendium of addresses. As he admits, this is not an exhaustive list to U.S. federal government systems available through the Internet, but it definitely gives a good, broad starting field. University and other sites with a specialized interest in the government are listed, although strictly political organizations are rare. For example, the "Queer Resources Directory" is included, but the Electronic Frontier Foundation is not. The reader is expected to be reasonably familiar with the Internet use: the information given in the introduction is too brief to be helpful to a neophyte. The listings themselves, however, give clear "vital statistics" on access methods, and a detailed and useful write-up for each site. All of that would be extremely valuable for those interested in government and access to information, but since the feds have fingers in just about every pie, there is much more. The various departments provide information on agriculture, business, computers, demographics, education, energy, environment, foreign affairs, medicine, history, employment, law, technology, and transportation. Government sites often provide the most informative content to be found in the net. Maxwell has added to this with a very useful index: I didn't really expect to find anything under computer viruses but was pleasantly surprised to note an entry for the NIST Computer Security Archive with addresses for Web, gopher and ftp access. For the avid U.S. government watcher, an essential. For the serious Internet information gatherer, regardless of nationality, a very useful resource. copyright Robert M. Slade, 1995, 1996 BKHAFGOI.RVW 961110 roberts@decus.ca rslade@vcn.bc.ca rslade@vanisl.decus.ca ------------------------------ From: John Cropper Subject: 416 to be Overlaid in Early 2000 Date: Thu, 06 Mar 1997 18:57:37 -0500 Organization: lincs.net Reply-To: jcropper@NOSPAM.lincs.net From the Toronto Star... Bell set to ring in second area code for Metro Now 416 running out of numbers By Robert Brehl - Toronto Star Business Reporter Your fingers will soon be doing a little extra walking in Metro because so many people are using the phone. Dramatic growth will force Bell Canada to add another area code to Metro on top of 416. That means all local calls will be 10 digits within three years. People who have 416 numbers now will not see them change. Instead, the new area code will be given to those ordering new lines, said Bell spokesperson Marilyn Koen. Bell will know the three digits in the new area code before summer, she said. It was almost 3 1/2 years ago that the 416 area was split, with regions outside Metro getting a 905 area code. That move was made because the phone company was running out of numbers. Now, with the explosion of fax machines, Internet connections, pagers and cellular phones, even the smaller 416 area is running out of numbers. ``Early in the year 2000 we have to bring in a new area code,'' Koen said. ``It's caused by growth in telecom use among all types of services - wired, wireless and paging.'' The phone company announced the change yesterday. It said it will add another area code to the Montreal area, too. The changes will have no effect on phone rates or on the size of free local calling areas, Koen said. At present, local calls between Metro and the 905 area code are 10-digit. The new area code for Metro will be an ``overlay,'' which means you could have area code 416 and your next-door neighbor could have the new area code. In fact, if you order a second line for your home, you could end up with two different area codes just as right now you could end up with two different exchange numbers for the first three digits, Koen said. Bell surveyed customers before rejecting the idea of splitting Metro down Yonge St., keeping one side 416 and giving the other the new area code. Customers ``told us they wanted to keep their existing 416 area code,'' Koen said. Telecommunications analysts predict 10-digit calling for all local calls may cause some customers anxiety. ``In the U.S. there has been huge public uproar with people complaining about having a different area code than their neighbor,'' said Ian Angus, president of Angus TeleManagement. ``But we're running out of phone numbers. We've got to bite the bullet.'' The new area code plan for all phone service providers has received approval from Ottawa, Koen said. John Cropper, Webmaster voice: 888.NPA.NFO2 Legacy IS, Networking & Comm. Solutions 609.637.9434 P.O. Box 277 fax: 609.637.9430 Pennington, NJ 08534-0277 Unsolicited commercial e-mail is subject mailto:jcropper@lincs.net to a fee as outlined in the agreement at http://www.lincs.net/ http://www.lincs.net/spamoff.htm ------------------------------ From: jra@scfn.thpl.lib.fl.us (Jay R. Ashworth) Subject: America Online Offline Date: 7 Mar 1997 16:25:59 GMT Organization: University of South Florida [TELECOM Digest Editor's Note: Lauren Weinstein is a charter subscriber to this Digest, having joined the mailing list in August, 1981 with a handful of other early netters. In 1983 when the 'Bell System' as such went out of business, Lauren sent in a very nice poem set to the very popular tune of that day called 'American Pie'. His version has become a sort of classic which is printed here in the Digest from time to time, and can be located in the Telecom Archives by anyone who has not already seen it. His version is called 'The Day the Bell System Died'. Now it appears there are competing versions to the song Lauren first presented here in 1983. Jay Ashworth will tell the rest of the story .... PAT] ------------------ In homage to Lauren, who's interpretation of this piece _still_ brings a tear to my eye every time I sing it, I thought I'd cross post this piece seen on rec.humor.funny, which takes a slightly different approach. As is so often the case with parody, you have to try it once before you can sing it; the scansion limps a bit; but it doesn't impair the humor. Cheers, -- jra [ Article crossposted from rec.humor.funny ] [ Author was Bruce Purcell ] [ Posted on Wed, 5 Mar 97 12:20:01 EST ] This showed up in my e-mail. Don't have the original author, but whoever it is should go into songwriting. [To the tune of "American Pie"] A long, long, time ago I can still remember when I dialed up their help desk lines. And I knew if I had the chance They could make my modem dance with chats and GIFs and silly pick-up lines. But Help Desk phone calls made me shiver with every busy they'd deliver. Bad news on the front page A 19-hour outrage. I can't remember if I cried when I realized that Steve Case had lied. But something touched me deep inside The day the service died. So bye bye to Amer'ca Online Drove my modem to a domain and it's working just fine. And good old geeks are cheering users offline Saying this'll be the day that they die. This'll be the day that they die. Did you write the book of TOS Will you send your password to PWD-BOSS If an IM tells you so. And will you believe the Motley Fool When he tells you that the service rules And can you teach me how to Web real slow? Well I know you sold the service short Cause I saw your quarterly report. Steve Case sold off his stock It fell just like a rock. It was a crazy, costly high-tech play As they slashed away at what subscribers pay And half their users went away the day the service died. So bye bye to Amer'ca Online Drove my modem to a domain and it's working just fine And good old geeks are cheering users offline Saying this'll be the day that they die. This'll be the day that they die. Well for two days we've been on our own And dial-ins click on a rolling phone But that's not how it used to be When the mogul came to Virginia court With an OS icon and a browser port And a desktop that looked like Apple III. And while Jim Clark was looking down The mogul stole his thorny crown The browser war was turned. Mozilla...was spurned. And while Steve left users out to bond With hosts unable to respond 6 million newbies all were conned the day the service died. So bye bye to Amer'ca Online Drove my modem to a domain and it's working just fine And good old geeks are cheering users offline Saying this'll be the day that they die. This'll be the day that they die. Da Chronic ducked their software guards And stole a million credit cards To use accounts he'd gotten free. And so Steve Case went to the FBI and he told Boardwatch* a little lie That hackers wanted child pornography * But while Steve Case was looking down The hackers pulled his e-mail down They put it on the net. He can't be trusted yet! And while user cynicism climbs At sign-on ads and welcome rhymes They scan their e-mail for "Good Times" the day the service died. So bye bye to Amer'ca Online Drove my modem to a domain and it's working just fine And good old geeks are cheering users offline Saying this'll be the day that they die. This'll be the day that they die. Helter-skelter billing needs a melter The lawyers filed a class-action shelter Eight million in lawyer's fees. But it looks like some attorney jibe an hour if they resubscribe. To a service marketed for free Well I KNOW you're raking in the bucks Cause I'm reading alt.aol-sucks. "Until we bless the suit The settlement is moot." "If AOL treats you like the Borg Then visit aolsucks.org Before some router pulls the cord..." the day the service died. So bye bye to Amer'ca Online Drove my modem to a domain and it's working just fine And good old geeks are cheering users offline Saying this'll be the day that they die. This'll be the day that they die. Bill Razzouk, the head-to-be sold off his home in Tennessee And headed for a 4-month end. Was he sad or just incensed when Case offered him his thirty cents. Billing is the devil's only friend. But as I read him on the page My hands were clenched in fists of rage. No "Welcome" born in hell could ring that chatroom bell. And as chat freaks cried into the night CompuServe read their last rites. I saw Earthlink laughing with delight the day the service died. So bye bye to Amer'ca Online Drove my modem to a domain and it's working just fine And good old geeks are cheering users offline Saying this'll be the day that they die. This'll be the day that they die. I met a girl in Lobby 9 And I asked her if she'd stay on-line. But she just frowned and looked away. And I went back to the Member Lounge To see what loyalty I could scrounge But Room Host said the members went away... And on the net the modems scream At faster speeds and data streams. And not a tear was spoken. The hourly fees were broken. And the three men that I hated most Ted, and Steve, and Razzouk's ghost They couldn't dial up the host The day the service died. -------------------------- Selected by Jim Griffith. MAIL your joke to funny@clari.net. This newsgroup is sponsored by ClariNet Communications Corp. Read about The Internet Joke Book -- the best of RHF at http://www.clari.net/inetjoke.html --------------------------- Jay R. Ashworth jra@scfn.thpl.lib.fl.us Member of the Technical Staff Unsolicited Commercial Emailers Sued The Suncoast Freenet Pedantry: It's not just a job, it's an adventure. Tampa Bay, Florida +1 813 790 7592 ------------------------------ End of TELECOM Digest V17 #59 *****************************