ATTACK OF THE 50 FOOT BEANHEADS  by Wes Johnson

Coffee.  Picks you up, keeps you there.  It's the everyday
narcotic.  And yet, so many people consider it the beverage of
choice when they wanna chill.  A cup of Joe and a good book to
some is the 90's version of nirvana.   

It doesn't stop in the privacy of one's home.   Au, contraire! 
Many are taking their Java Jones public.  You can spot the
Beanheads easily.  They have their noses in the air, sniffing
like a beast after its prey in the grind coffee section of the
local grocery store.  They worship faithfully at the altar of
their favorite specialty coffee shop, comparing the color and
texture of the beans, stocking up on every conceivable implement
of destruction a Beanhead could ever want or need.

In the mornings, these eventually docile creatures can be the
most savage of beasts.  Yet, the sound of a grinder rendering
frozen Hazelnut Creme beans into a brewable state can quiet even
the most thunderous of growls. 

During lunch and after-work hours, while others head to the local
club to dance and consume attitude adjustables, Beanheads
dutifully head to the coffee house of their choice.   These
caffeinated speakeasies differ somewhat in style and menu, but,
they all have one thing in common: a damn fine cup of coffee. 
Hot, black, and seductive to the Beanheads who meet, talk, drink,
and sometimes go home together to create more little Beanheads.  

Herein,  a brief description of area coffee houses. Joining me
are fellow Beanheads, AQ, D.J. Paris and Deb Adler.  First up,
Deb, with a description of her favorite caffeination station,
Dharma Coffee House in Fairfax, Virginia.

"Dharma is a regular spot for Beanheads of all ages and sizes. 
They  gather at Dharma in herds, usually herds of teenagers in
the midst of hormonal aggression out to seek members of the
opposite sex or to meet up with friends who share this common
trait.  Dharma draws equally from different sociological facets
of the younger members of this herd, as they all find satiation
from the same relaxing environment, letting down the barriers
that separate them.  Reading, writing, drawing, or watching live
music are just some of the attractions of this eccentric little
tavern.  Unfortunately,  the coffee itself, at Dharma is not
highly recommended."

Everybody needs a place of their own, especially the hopped-up,
yet benevolent Beanhead.  Speaking of which, let's check in with
D.J., for a peek at his favorite Half caf-decaf haunt... 

"I recently discovered this fantastically hip coffeehouse/art
gallery/performance space on Rockville Pike called Red Capricorn,
et al.  Marti Biton, the owner of the Red Capricorn, is very
proud of the fact that her coffeehouse is the first gathering
place for gays and lesbians in the D.C./Maryland suburbs.

"The Red Capricorn is not just a coffee house, however.  The gay
(and straight-but-not-narrow) staff also serve great desserts,
Italian sodas and lite vegetarian fare in a cruelty-free
environment.  With its exquisite art exhibits, live entertainment
and a jazz DJ, the Red Capricorn is actually reminiscent of the
European salons of yore, where literature, theater, art and music
were brought together and celebrated under one roof."

Which brings us to Aq, he of the late night endeavors.  To expect
this recently converted Beanhead to frequent only one location of
liquid rejuvenation is unrealistic.  So here's Aq, imparting unto
you the wisdom of his experience...

"I don't actually drink coffee; can't stand the stuff.  Now,
espresso is a different matter.  It's more like taking a drug --
a perfectly legal and benign drug.  In Italy, they call American
coffee or any other pitifully weak brew 'moka.'  (No relation to
mocha.)  Espresso is sold at 'bars;' roadside cafe's that
sometimes double as gas stations. 

"Here in the US, I've discovered a few bars that approach the
style of a freshly-pulled Italian cafe.  

"There's Brothers Cafe Coffee Bar in DC, Uptown at Connecticut
Avenue and Porter.  Ample seating and a seemingly endless supply
of cash have been poured into the decor of this new java chain. 
Science is their strong suit, as the back wall is occupied by the
pipe-organesque "Brother's Keeper," an electronically-monitored
vacuum-sealed bean dispenser -- a great convenience for the home
brewer.  Brewmasters there also have the uncanny ability to serve
your order before you've finished describing it. 

"Let's not forget Planet X on Route 1 in College Park, a
retro-haven for bearded cool-cat poets.  In addition to a
mind-altering cup of joe, X served up a plethora of so-called
consciousness-increasing concoctions featuring nature's other
'almost-harmless' stimulant, ginseng.  The place burned to the
ground recently, but like a stubborn beat poet, they plan to
return.  Perhaps they should consider changing their
all-vegetarian menu. It might bring in folks who still believe
that humans are part of the food-chain.

"Best of all would have to be the new Java Heads, also on Route 1
in College park, directly above the infamous `Vous.  This
'coffee, shake, and island cuisine bar' is simply a joy to
patronize with pleasing tropical decor, great espresso,
wildly-flavored iced cappuccinos, fabulous music, and a menu that
is truly 'all things to all people.'  Try any one of their shrimp
dishes, salads, or seasoned tuna steak sandwiches.  I recommend
the delicious 'Iced Raspberry Mocha Double Cappuccino.' Or, for
the daring, they  will custom brew a few secret blends:  Lemon
and Sausage Cappuccino, Marshmallow Beef,  Pork Jasmine,  Anchovy
Orange Creme, Aegean Feta and Olive, and Cottage Cheese And
Thumbtack.  Ha!  Just Java-jiving you. Drink up, and don't
operate heavy machinery."

Uhm... yeah...  diversity.  Yea, that's what the Washington and
Baltimore area offer to the Beanhead in search of a home away
from home.  Head your bean toward Dupont Circle in DC and you'll
find the aptly titled Escape Cafe, convenient to your getaway
from reality above La Fonda Restaurant on 17th Street NW.  At
Escape the focus is on art at every level, from painters,
to musicians, to the chefs that prepare your meals, with a fab
selection of international tapas as well as great coffee
combinations and a full bar.  

Also in DC a few blocks down from Escape on 17th Street is The
Pop Stop,  a late night coffee house where the action spills out
onto the streets when the weather is nice. Straightforward and
simple, the Pop Stop is ideal for a java jolt after a movie in
Dupont.

Three blocks over on 14th Street  between Church and Q Streets is
Diversit, housed in a 1920's Cadillac and LaSalle showroom and
dealership.  Diversit features a pink marble floor, lots of neon,
a balcony, and Italian continental cuisine at reasonable prices.
 
Now, you may ask, where would Kirk send Spock for a great view
and brew? Sector 8 on 3 West Biddle Street in Baltimore is a
coffee klatch for Trekkers and Science Fiction fans in general,
from the imaginative menu, to the constantly running movies.  

It's all a matter of personal taste.   Wher ever you take your
happy little Beanhead, be assured that the coffee is always hot,
the conversation is always warm, and the caffeine is always
effective.  Hmmmmmmm.  Feel like sharing a cup a Joe? 

You can find Wes Johnson brewing coffee on the Modern Rock
Morning Show every weekday at 99.1 WHFS. AQ can be heard from 10
pm to 1 am weekdays. Thanks as well to DJ Paris and Deb Adler for
additional reporting.