From: sienna@yabbs
To: all@yabbs
Subject: sex III
Date: Thu Aug 18 16:33:10 1994
Ok, all....I posted (a while ago) an interesting satire on 
contraception....I ended with the diaphragm. Here are the next forms of 
contraception under attack....

Once again, this is from "Hormones From Hell" by Jan King


                            FOAM

In order to be effective, contraceptive foam has to be used in the same 
quantities it would take to cover a runway for an emergency landing of a 
Boeing 747. One of the biggest drawbacks of foam is that swimming is 
prohibited for 24 hours after application, because the user now has the 
dangerous potential of acting as a giant Alka-Seltzer tablet.




                            JELLIES

Similar to the principle of foam, this stuff can be far more hazardous to 
both sexes. If left in place too long, it can "set-up," with the potential 
of becoming harder than rock. Then, when attempting any further sexual 
activity, penetration will be almost impossible unless the male uses a 
condom with a tiny miner's hemlmet on the end. And he must be made aware 
of the very real possibility of suffering mutilation in a mine shaft 
collapse.




                           THE SPONGE

This is a new and unique idea in contraceptive items. It is small, 
compact, and has earned millions for the O-Cello company. Appearing to be 
the safest porduct to come along in years, it does have one side effect - 
not dangerous, but annoying. Once it's in place, the wearer is cautioned 
that upon entering the bathtub, the water level will become drastically 
reduced. Head injury must also be mentioned as a rare, but possible side 
effect from making sudden moves while wearing the sponge. For example, 
carelessly flopping into a chair might create a "rebound" effect, 
catapulting the unsuspecting female into the ceiling.



                              THE PILL

Who needs it? The package alone contains more warnings than were issued at 
the Iran/Contra Hearings. Some of the possible side effects include 
stroke, heart attack, cancer, unwanted pregnancy, and divorce. Plus, if 
you smoke, the incidences are all doubled. If you smoke and drink - triple 
it. If you smoke, drink, and have sex - forget it! You won't live long 
enough to finish out the package. Expert medical advice tells us that 
Russian Roulette gives better odds.



                               CONDOMS

The first complaint about this birth control product comes from the female 
sector of the population. We think manufacturers need to design a package 
that takes less time to open. While all men still cling to the story that 
they can last for an entire evening, most of them can't even last until 
they get the package open. The second complaint is from the
 men who are concerned about the expiration date stamped on a box of 
condoms. They all say the same thing: "Who needs this kind of pressure?"



                           THE RYTHM METHOD

This rarely works. And unless you are doing it with Bobby Brown in the 
room, forget it.



                                CELIBACY

It is a scientific fact taht any organ which is not used regularly will 
eventually atrophy. For example, an idle brain will show signs of a 
lowered IQ; leg muscels rendered immobile by a cast will develop withered 
muscles, and teeth not subjected to the constant grinding of food will 
fall out. And an unused sex organ will do all of the above - and in the 
same order! This poses a double tragedy for some men, too, since their 
brains are reputedly located in the sex organs. So we all need to heed to 
the old saying, "Use it or lose it."

The good news is that there IS one completely safe, painless, and 
trouble-free birth control solution available to 100% of the women 
everywhere. It's called VASECTOMY - and we're all for it!




Hehehehe

Enjoi,

Dee