From: Death@yabbs
To: all@yabbs
Subject: Fear...
Date: Fri Jul  8 02:23:06 1994

   Until recently, I wasn't really sure if I could talk about my past and what
I have gone through with people I didn't really know... But now I think that
I know most of you well enough to share a small part of it with you. 

July 28, 1993

   Such a beautiful night... Walking along the stream, my arm around
Lori's waist, I have never felt better. It's been four weeks since we
met, but I can't imagine life without her. She always seems to know what
I'm thinking and just what to say... Even now, as we walk, she says
quietly, "What a beautiful night... I can't believe it's only been four
weeks since we met." As we gaze at the sky, I hug her a little tighter.
If this isn't love, then love doesn't exist.
   The night sky here is beautiful. It's so clear and bright, and every star
can be seen. I noticed a falling star, flying across the horizon like it was
coming right towards us. "Look at that" Lori said, pointing at it, "isn't it
beautiful?" "Yes," I answered. We stood there, watching it, for several
seconds. Then something in the back of my mind shrieked out a warning.
"Oh my G-d, Lori RUN!!!!" I screamed, turning back towards the kibbutz.
"Why?" she asked, even as she turned and ran with me. I answered, shaken,
"Because that's not a falling star! It's a Ketusha rocket and there's more
of them coming!" We kept running and I prayed that we could get back to the
safety of the bomb shelter at the Kibbutz in time. The one time in my life
that I wish G-d had answered my prayers, he didn't... As I looked back over
my shoulder I saw it, practically right next to us already, and I knew we'd
never make it. I dove for the ground, pulling Lori with me, trying to protect
her with my body so that she wouldn't get hurt. Then it struck. I felt the
blazing heat of the explosion, the broken metal and rock tearing at my skin,
and the intense fear that something could happen to Lori. I lay there,
listening to explosions echoing from around the kibbutz and fearing to move,
lest I stand up only to be knocked down again. And then I saw Lori. I had
managed to cover half of her body with my own, but it hadn't been enough.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" I screamed frantically as I saw
the pool of blood coming from a gash in her side. I scrambled forward,
ignoring my own pain, to be at her side. I felt her neck, praying that she
still lived... Finally, after what seemed like eons, I felt a faint surge.
I got to my feet, cradling her limp body to my chest, and ran with all of my
waning stregnth to the bomb shelter. I collapsed a few meters away, unable to
move further. "HELP!" I screamed feebly as I slid into unconsciousness...
  I'm awake now, amazed that I survived at all from what the doctor just told 
me... But I don't care about myself... If Lori dies, then I have nothing to 
live for anyway... It's been ten hours and they're still trying to save her.
When I awakened in a bright room, on a soft bed rather than the hard ground,
my first thought was of Lori. "We're doing the best we can." the doctor said.
But what is the best that they can do?! I have never known such fear in all
my life... If she should die while I live, I could never be happy again.
Why? Why must G-d always destroy what little happiness I have? Every time I
get my life back on track, something happens to destroy it again... I see the
doctor walking down the hall towards my room. I can't stand the fear, the 
fear that he'll say those cruel, forbidding words...
  The doctor meerly said two words... "She's alive." I have never known, and 
will never again know such fear or such relief. With those two words, my faith
in G-d and my will to live were restored. On the brink of utter hopelessness
and despair, they drew me back towards the bright shining star of life. Lori
is alive!

        --Les