Parties

by j z provo

   "yahsss, I've been on *the*stage* for years..."
      ...blah blah blah art blah blah blah "conformists" blah blah blah
 Ginger blah blah....
          ...one of the best and worst parts about working on a show, on
the boards or in tech or in production, _has_ to be The Cast Party. (Not to
be confused with The Crew Party. On some levels, like h.s. and non-theatrical
colleges, the two are one and the same.  But this is before the actors become
[dramatic pose please] AcTORS!)  O joy -- just what I want to see, a group of
people trying to out-impress one another.
    "Back in OUR theater group, we did a version of..."
                     ...the stories are all as fabricated as the people. A
bunch of people with such weak egos that they can _become_ someone else for
a period of hours, weeks, months even. . . and then they want to be re-assured
that they are actually someone of 'substance', instead of just another mask,
just another pose, just another way of walking.  So they find a great hovering
herd of other weak-egoed [read: sense-of-self] people and spend the night
drinking, singing, trying to maneuver one another or anyone into bed,
dredging up old stories and past triumphs [of their false selves], appearing
to debate lofty concepts and trying to come out 'on top' in their inflated
little flown-in, plywood-'n'-cheap paint, as-long-as-it-looks-good-from-
the-front-row world. They are _still_ performing . . . and still expecting
applause.  They won't hear any from me, though.
      I am one to be their technician; I lubricate their conversations,
dealings and manipulations with esoteric music ["ohh, yes I saw that album in
the used record store...in the import section, wasn't it?"] and alcohol. I
give them each their fifteen minutes; I nod at the appropriate spots in their
speeches and make appreciative noises.  And then I move on. . . I don't
critique their performances ["Perhaps you need one _more_ dead relative story
to really convince me that you 'Know' death.  Try it again."] but I don't
try to stop them.  
      Yes, I'm full of vituprative speech for them, but I'm no better.
How _can_ I deem myself far enough above "them" to pass judgment?  How am
I sure that I'm not just wearing a different face to try and pass off my ego
as strong?

      I can't.  For I am one.  I never pass judgment, I merely observe.  So
let me perch at the bar and give me my moments before I give you your fifteen
minutes.  I have to make notes for _my_ next performance.